Welcome to the final part of this series on the nervous system and fertility. In part 1, we looked at the internal geography of stress for expats in the Netherlands. In part 2, we traced how the HPO axis responds to that inner storm. Today we ask the question part 2 left open: how does the ground actually thaw, and how do you learn to listen to what your body already knows?
You’re on the sofa. A candle is lit. Tea in hand, your favourite show on. This is what we in the West often call “relaxation”: the passive pause. A pleasant distraction, but if you’re in the middle of an IVF or ICSI cycle, or have been trying to conceive for a while, you know the unrest keeps moving underneath, regardless of how still you sit. Your nervous system stays on red alert, however quiet the room around you is.
I see it often in the treatment room. In the way a coat gets hung up, shoulders already near the ears. In the deep exhale the moment feet touch the treatment table. That first exhale isn’t relaxation yet. It’s the first layer of armour settling.
When the people around you say “just try to relax,” it’s worth asking what that actually means, and what it stirs up. Well-meaning advice like that often lands as frustration, or failure.
The Myth: You Can’t Relax on Command
Stress can’t be thought away. The difference between a passive pause and real nervous system regulation is pure biology:
The passive pause: a warm bath, an episode of your show. A welcome distraction, but it doesn’t resolve chronic stress if your internal alarm system is still, deep down, reading “danger.”
Nervous system regulation: your nervous system only believes it’s safe once it feels that, physically. The Polyvagal Theory, which we touched on in part 1, describes how the autonomic nervous system responds to signals of safety and threat. The theory is debated in neuroscience circles, but the core of it matches what so many women recognise in their own bodies: you can decide, with your mind, to relax, while your body keeps holding the tension regardless.
The hormonal link: stress hormones also play a direct role in the hormonal systems involved in reproduction and your cycle (Whirledge & Cidlowski, 2010) — the same ground we mapped in part 2. Body and fertility are never separate.
The unconscious memory: the nervous system holds a deep memory. When I trained in hypnobirthing myself, this is where it really clicked for me. I saw how ingeniously the subconscious works. It registers everything you’ve been through, colours it emotionally, and can use those earlier experiences to keep the womb “locked” in the present, as a form of protection. Just as it helps, before giving birth, to let the neighbour’s frightening stories be hers and not yours, it helps with trying to conceive to examine those unconscious images and replace them with ones that feel safe and supportive.
If an IVF cycle doesn’t succeed, know that it isn’t because of your emotions. A large meta-analysis by Boivin et al. (2011), drawing on 14 prospective studies across 3,583 women, found no link between emotional strain before fertility treatment and its eventual outcome. It isn’t the emotion itself but how you unconsciously respond to it that tends to make the difference. You don’t need to carry guilt over your feelings, or over how you react to them.
What Body Work Actually Does: Experiencing, Not Understanding
The body is a remarkable way in, away from the analysing mind. Body-based work is about experiencing rather than understanding, about feeling how your whole system responds.
Think back to the drought from part 2: a landscape that looks dry and still on the surface, while underground the water table is still there, waiting to move again. Body work doesn’t force the ground open. It warms the terrain from within, slowly, so that body, mind, and spirit can speak to each other again.
Why Eastern Balance Isn’t the Same as Western Rest
In Traditional Chinese Medicine and Ayurveda, balance was never a static, still state. It’s a state of free movement. Chronic stress, in the Eastern view, creates stagnation of Qi and blood, often around the Liver and Spleen meridians, which can slow the energetic flow toward the pelvis and womb, the same stagnation we traced along the HPO axis in part 2.
An overstimulated system, then, isn’t simply a “tense” one. It’s a system where the flow has stalled, where Kidney-Jing goes unfed, or warmth doesn’t reach where it’s needed. The work isn’t about doing less. It’s about restoring the flow, so your energy stays flexible and resilient, like a reed bending in the wind, so that an intensive medical process doesn’t permanently lock your system into contraction.
Foot Reflexology: What I See in the Treatment Room
Women regularly tell me that after a session, they sleep more deeply, their body feels softer, and they notice less unease beneath the surface. Some also notice less pain or irritation around their period.
There’s research alongside this. A meta-analysis by Wang et al. (2020) pooled 26 randomised trials with 2,366 participants and found clear improvements in anxiety, low mood, and sleep quality. It wasn’t fertility-specific, and study quality varied, but it matches closely what I see. A body that rests more deeply at night simply has more capacity during the day, which matters enormously in a process where so much attention is already pulled toward the outcome. If you’d like to understand how I apply this specifically to fertility, you can read more about reproductive foot reflexology here.
Moxa: Warmth From the Tradition
Moxa is warmth, pure and simple. “Warm feet, a warm womb” is the traditional idea behind it, rooted in Traditional Chinese Medicine.
The research here is cautious. A combination of acupuncture and moxa showed up among the better-performing options in a large network analysis of complementary therapies for women undergoing IVF, though the certainty of that evidence is low. I see moxa and acupressure as a complement for exactly that reason: warmth and touch your body is invited to receive, in support of your reproductive system. No guarantees, but a warm foundation to rest on. Dutch midwives across the country also regularly refer women to moxa for breech presentation, which is where this tradition is most established in Dutch maternity care.
Moving Through Your Fertility Journey
A fertility journey carries several intense phases, and each one asks for something different:
Approaching egg retrieval. An egg takes around three months to mature. Starting three to six months ahead with nutrition and focused attention on your body gives your system time to build, slowly. Earlier medical experiences can also gently come into focus here, sometimes through hypnotherapy.
Around embryo transfer. White coats, changing doctors, intimate exams, sky-high expectations. Your hormones are shifting too, as your body moves from “growing” to “holding.” That’s a great deal to carry, mentally and physically.
The two-week wait. In these exhausting weeks, foot reflexology and moxa can offer real support. You don’t need to stop thinking, and you don’t need to push the fear away either; you’re simply allowed to be with whatever is there. We don’t try to still the storm outside. We feed the roots, so that even in drought, the ground beneath you holds.
What I See in Practice
Sometimes I support women alongside a medical process. Sometimes we follow the natural rhythm of your own cycle instead.
If you’ve already walked a long road and tried a great deal, I won’t hand you more homework. That just becomes another task on an already full list. After several attempts, we first look together at what’s already happened, physically and emotionally. Sometimes a deliberate pause in the medical process is the gentlest thing you can give yourself. A chance to properly catch your breath.
Sowing for the Harvest
Ideally, you begin before a medical process starts, because that’s when there’s real time. What you sow now, in your food, your lifestyle, your nervous system, you’ll see again in three months, in the quality of the egg that matures.
This is exactly the ground A Soft Start is built on. Over three cycles, we work closely together, through masterclasses, 1:1 treatments, and personal guidance, and this journey is there for both partners together. Whether you’re carrying the disappointment of earlier attempts, grieving a miscarriage, or just beginning, you’re welcome here.
Do you recognise that quiet unrest beneath the surface?
- 1:1 Support Sessions: for targeted, short-term support during your fertility process, including IVF/ICSI/IUI support, cycle-based guidance, and support around embryo transfer. ➔ Start with a tailored fertility support intake
- A Soft Start — Your Integral Conscious Conception Journey: a comprehensive, 3-month programme for couples who want to prepare more deeply. ➔ Explore the Soft Start journey
Not sure where to start? Feel welcome to book a short conversation to explore what fits your situation. ➔ Book a discovery call
This blog was written by Marise, the face behind Natural Waves in Utrecht. As a complementary therapist, she guides women through the journey of conceiving, cycle recovery, and pregnancy. With a unique blend of Eastern medicine, Western physiology, and hypnotherapy, she helps recalibrate the nervous system, allowing the natural flow within the body to thrive once again. Would you like to get started yourself? Read more about Marise or schedule an appointment via the contact page.